eBay Hilarity

I want to meet this eBay seller. Below is the description of the DKNY leather pants he sold; it's the funniest thing I've read in a very long time.

You are bidding on a mistake.

We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.

And we buy leather pants.

I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a woman whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I’m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.

The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl, whose name I can’t even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was short.

Ultimately the pants were placed in the closet where they have remained, unworn, for nearly a decade. I would like to emphasize that: Aside from trying these pants on, they have never, ever been worn. In public or private.

I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:

I am not a member of Queen.
I do not like motorcycles.
I am not Rod Stewart.
I am not French.
I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.

These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan leather pants. They're for men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I'll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it.

Again, they're men's pants, but they'd probably look great on the right lady. Ladies can get away with leather pants much more often than men can. It’s a sad fact that men who own leather pants will have to come to terms with.

They are size 34x34. I am no longer size 34x34, so even were I to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons unknown - perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate - I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in the future.

These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken on pirate expeditions. They weren't worn onstage. They didn't straddle a Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung there, sad and ignored, for a few presidencies.

Someone, somewhere, will look great in these pants. I'm hoping that someone is you, or that you can be suckered into buying them by a girl you're trying to bed.

Please buy these leather pants.

Small Dog, Big Bite

Well, I took my iMac down to Small Dog yesterday and it ends up that I have a bad hard drive like I suspected and that I also need to have the logic board replaced. I almost expected that as well as my serial number falls in the range of iMacs eligible for the repair extension program. On the bright side it should be fixed by tomorrow but since it's an hour away I'll probably wait until Thursday to go down as I already have the day off. Elah also has no school and her old day care friend, Na'ani, lives next to Small Dog so two birds, one stone...

Updates

I've finished the Simply Marilyn Sweater! OK, that's a lie - I still have to seam it and knit the collar but then I'll be done. There's a seaming class at Kaleidoscope in mid November and if I can avoid the finishing that long I might sign up for it.

I finished the My So Called Scarf and I've made my first cedar sachet.

No pics as of yet since my computer is going to Small Dog today to ask the wizard for a brain but they'll come soon.

On another note, Kaleidoscope Yarns started a blog of their own.

Sell The Ranch

Of course it will never happen but it's still a good idea.

Things

On mondays a woman at work sends out a poem to the entire college. The one this week particularly struck me and I thought I'd share it here.

Hi everyone,

In general, as Americans, we tend to like things. Our stores are filled to the brim, shelves over-flowing with color and variety. Our homes are sometimes so stuffed with objects, we rent space elsewhere to hold it all. However, if you ask people fleeing a storm or fire what they most want to take with them, it is usually the rare thing, something not purchased but passed from person to person--photos, a grandmother's ring, a father's hammer, a child's drawing. And it is not until we lose everything, we sometimes realize the true value of what we have.

This week I offer you a poem about things by Lisel Mueller, who moved to America at the age of 15 when her father was forced to flee the Nazis. Mueller wrote some poetry in college in her second language, English, but it wasn't until she was 29 and lost her mother (who was only 54 when she died) that Mueller really began writing poems. "Once that was unlocked, that need, I knew that that was what I had to do the rest of my life," she said in a 1997 interview (upon receiving the Pulitzer). Hope you enjoy the poem and have a great week!

Things

What happened is, we grew lonely
living among the things,
so we gave the clock a face,
the chair a back,
the table four stout legs
which will never suffer fatigue.

We fitted our shoes with tongues
as smooth as our own
and hung tongues inside bells
so we could listen
to their emotional language,

and because we loved graceful profiles
the pitcher received a lip,
the bottle a long, slender neck.

Even what was beyond us
was recast in our image;
we gave the country a heart,
the storm an eye,
the cave a mouth
so we could pass into safety.

--Lisel Mueller

Remember When?

The featured article at Wikipedia today is all about the Commodore 64! It makes me nostalgic and reminds me how happy I was when we got rid of our old TRS-80 and switched to the C64. The C64 seemed so modern and exciting, now it looks like something from the stone age. I look at my current computer and am so happy I don't have to write anything in BASIC! And don't even get me started about the upgrade to the Amiga, I actually composed music and played it for my class in middle school! *shame* Ironically my dad always had a Mac for work but we had PCs at home. The first Mac he had blew me away with the GUI - so much better than the C64 we had at the time. Damn, I might be a little more of a nerd than I thought, waxing reminiscent about old hardware. I'm going back to work.

Une famille de flics

I was checking out my dad's imdb page to see if his new project was posted (it's not but it's still in preproduction) and decided to look at all the French Canadian alternate titles (because I'm supposed to be doing homework) when I came across Family of Cops. That is quite possibly the funniest French title I've ever seen. Think our local VT cops would care if we called them flics?

:^[

So sad, I've been getting random computer freezes and kernel panics over the past week or so. It took me a long time to figure out exactly what was wrong because I can't find my Tiger DVD and can't use disk utility from the Panther CD. I could however use hardware test and got the following error message when it was scanning mass storage:
2STF / 8 / 3: S-ATA BUS 0-Master
What's that mean? It means I need a new hard drive!

I still believe in the reliability of the Mac but having to replace the hard drive and the power supply in a machine that is less that a year old is testing my faith. Hopefully I'll be able to get it down to Small Dog today I'll probably end up buying another copy of Tiger as well, not terrible since I get the educational discount but not great either.

UPDATE: I talked Small Dog and they can do the repair but not for a week or so. I should be OK, as long as I keep my computer on, don't let the hard drive sleep and turn hiding and magnification off on the dock I can avoid most of the problems...hopefully.

What'd You Call Me?

Yet another quiz. Want to know a secret? The first time I took the test I was acrylic! We can't have that so I went through and re-answered the questions that I was on the fence about - now I'm merino...much better.

You are Merino Wool.
You are very easygoing and sweet. People like to
keep you close because you are so soft-hearted.
You love to be comfortable and warm from your
head to your toes.


What kind of yarn are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

It's Like Crack!

I shouldn't be allowed to go to a tent sale with my checkbook. Behold the damage.

Cedar chips for holiday gifts, tons of Lang baby cotton for hats 'n stuff, a finished hat for Elah, Lang rainbow colored yard (50% wool, 50% acrylic) for an Elah sweater, a moebius wrap thing I bought,Lang Furore in grey and green for a pillow, Berroco Denim Silk to make shopping bags, Berroco Duo (purple and rainbow) for whatever and pink Pronto because Elah loves pink.

I think I may have a problem. I did manage not to buy any yarn and the sheep and wool show but I did get some goat's milk soap and a fingerless mitt pattern. I need a nap.